By Dr. Taiwo Fadeyi
This checklist is also for the married. It is never too late to make amends. Marriage is not a bed of roses. If it were, divorces will not be so frequent. All married couples will always live happily together until death separates them. Ideally, every intending couple must do premarital counselling.
This is a must if you want a happy marital life. The list of important issues that must not be swept under the carpet because of love is much longer than this. But this forms part of the crucial ones.
So read carefully. A stitch in time saves nine. And prevention is always better than cure. Why you need to talk is primarily because you are both different. Even identical twins differ on some issues because they have different core personalities. Finance. This is the first major cause of disagreement between couples.
This can lead to irreversible fights after marriage. Some of us are spenders and others are savers by nature. I won’t go as far as labelling the spenders as spendthrifts. Neither will I call the savers as stingy. Those are the extremes and should not be found in any marriage. Also, although most women are labeled as spenders and men as savers, the opposite is more common than we think. In fact put in the right perspectives, women are better savers when the chips are down. All you need to do is convince them why you must both save.
Accommodation, building a house, buying a car, sending the children to school etc. You just both need to sit down and talk it out with each other. Sex. This is another major headache in marriages. In most cases, expectations and experiences differ.
Most occasions, there is even little or no experience to write home about. Both of them usually very inexperienced. Most of their experience is usually from “tales by the moonlight.
By this, I mean usually wrong stories from others who claim to know it all, but are not better. Then the internet, social media and porno films have compounded the situation. A premarital sex counsellor will do a lot of good to such couples.
Privacy. You must iron out this too. When you are still courting, you spend only a few hours together at a time. Even then, it was mostly outside. Restaurants, beach, picnics, parties etc. All that will change when you get married.
You will definitely get into each other’s way. Do you want to share wardrobes? What about bedrooms? Remember the master bedroom syndrome I talked about earlier?
Are you a stickler for neatness and hang up your clothes? Or do you throw them all over the place? Kids. It is best to discuss and agree on this before they start rolling in. How many do you want? 2, 3, or a family football team? Goals and Ambitions. What do you want your life to be like 5, 10, 15, or even twenty years after marriage? Now is the time to plan. Overbearing in laws?
You must identify them and you both must agree on how to relate with them. Don’t kid yourselves. Every family has them. The difference is only in the number and severity. Religious beliefs. I am not talking about Christians marrying Muslims or vice versa. That is to obvious and open. This usually would have been discussed by both families and resolved. You either would have agreed to agree or disagree.
The problem is within the same religion. How nonchalant or fanatical are you? Does your spouse share most, if not all your views. What is the middle ground for both of you?
How much give and take can you do? Quite unknown to many, this issue does not lead directly to divorce. But it destroys love and happiness in the marriage. Work and home. How will you both strike a balance? Especially when both of you are working. Or have you both agreed before hand that she would be a full time housewife? Very important talk.
